‘Pious Women’

Bismillah al rahman al rahim

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble Prophet Muhammad e, and upon his family and companions.

Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur’an, and in the a hadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.

The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities.
“And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity” [Surah An-Nur :26]
“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard” [Surah An-Nisa :34]
“It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast...” [Surah Al-Tahrim:5].
And then, in the surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, choose her for the following attributes:

• a Muslim woman
• a believing woman
• a devout woman
• a true woman
• a woman who is patient and constant
• a woman who humbles herself
• a woman who gives charity
• a woman who fasts and denies herself
• a woman who guards her chastity
• a woman who engages much in Allah’s praise.

From among the four known perfect women, one was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities: “O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down” [Surah Al-Imran :43). Another was the wife of Pharaoh: “And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold, she said: ‘O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden’ [Surah Al-Tahrim:11].
The Prophet e loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha t once related the fine qualities of Zainab: “(Zainab)t was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah’s Messenger e, and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her.”
Ah, you think, but you’ll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women, described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn’t exist, yet “if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good” [Surah An-Nisa:19]. Remember also that you are not perfect either.

Knowing Who She Is

To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that the first one relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisa, Allah asks the believing women that they should “lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments,” and also that they “should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments” [S.24:v.31]. If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I’m sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other “just good friends”.
Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don’t stress on her weak ones.
Yet, after all these, we still have to come to the most important charecteristic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to keep a track of her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unislamic), yet, no-one knows her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except Allah. We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character, etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine all these in a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge.
Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom.
Islam is likened to a house, and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah.
It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah t that the Prophet e used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du’a (known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them. Rasulallah e said: “When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak’at of nafl salaat and read the du’a of istikharah.”
I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du’a, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn’t we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him.
Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims pray, read the du’a, and go to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what is her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.
The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the results of an istikharah, because, not doing so is tantamount to rejecting Allah’s guidance once you’ve asked for it. Also, you should firstly clear your mind, not to set your mind already decided, and then afterwards follow the results willingly.
The Prophet e once sent Zainab t a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allah: “I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord.” Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea for help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage. We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur’an.
The Prophet e once said to Aisha t: “I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth and he said: ‘Here is your wife’, and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: ‘if this is from Allah, let Him carry it out’ “.
Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn’t that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the rearer of your children. Don’t marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent.
When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us: “For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them” [Surah Al-Araf:189]. Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say: “Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous” [Al-Furqan:74].
I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us. Allah says: “Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him” [Surah Al-Imran :159].
May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves.
“When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way” [Al-Baqarah:186].
 

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A pious woman’s priority is to seek the pleasure of Allah. She tries acquiring the qualities of a good wife by following the examples of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and obeying what is commanded in the Book of Allah. Complete obedience and adherence to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and Quran is the best of a woman’s qualities.
Examples:
A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her fame, for her beauty and for her religion. So marry one for her religion and you will win. [Bukhari & Muslim]
Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in their husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husbands property, etc) [4:34]
An-Nasaii narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) was asked “Who are the best of women?” He replied, “The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he orders (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes.”
Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “If a woman prayed five prayers, fasted in Ramadan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its(eight) doors.”
Reflect on:
If a woman harms (in any way) her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: “Do not harm him, May Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us.” [Ahmad & At-Tirmithi]
If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses till he slept while angry, then the Angels will curse her till the morning. [Muslim]
Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her. [An-Nasaii].
A woman does not fast while her husband is present without his permission, except in Ramadan. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no reason will not smell the fragrance of Paradise. [Sahih Al-Jamii]
The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “If I were to order anyone to bow down to other than Allah, I would order the wife to do so for her husband. By the One who owns the soul of Muhammad,if a wife does not fulfill her obligations towards her husband, then she will not have fulfilled her obligations towards Allah.” [Ahmad]

Never lose hope in Allah!